- When you meet new friends, usually everyone's really awkward.

- You see it a lot.

Like, it's natural.

- Yeah, people are rarely their best selves when they make a first impression.

- You both know that this is weird.

Like, you're making a new friend.

You meet somebody, and that's just always the first question is like, "Hey, um, hello, what do you do?"

- People would be, like, abrasively loud.

- "How do you like the weather?"

- Or very withdrawn or very afraid to look silly.

- It's like we're going on a date, but it's not a date.

- Like, everybody's feeling the same thing.

Like, both people on either side of the conversation are like, "Oh, God, I don't care.

I don't know what else to say.

I'll ask another boring follow-up question."

And it just doesn't go anywhere.

- Yellow team, are you ready!

Alright, now you are.

Magenta team, are you ready?

(cheering) Alright, at the sound of the gong, the game begins!

(gong chimes) Have fun!

- Tonight, we are part of the Grown Up Club and it's the Capture the Flag event where you just play Capture the Flag for a few hours and then go get beer, so what could be better than that?

- Capture the Flag is like right up my alley.

I was so pumped and I had to come by myself!

I tried inviting some of my other friends.

I got rejected I think eight times.

Which is fine, I was like, "There will be people there.

I'll just make friends with them!"

- Grown Up Club is a monthly activities group for offbeat or emerging or reluctant adults.

We haven't really figured out the perfect adjective.

- The idea behind Grown Up Club is a not horrible way to meet people in the Twin Cities.

- When I first moved here, I really didn't know anybody, so I was looking for friends.

It's hard.

I'm 33, and it's not easy to make friends when you're this age, because a lot of people, they already have their friends group, or they're married and they're settled down, and you know, that's all understandable, but when you're on the outside and you're just like, "Ohhh, I just need friends, please!"

You know, it can be really scary and difficult.

- So I pretty recently moved back into this area about eight months ago, and I grew up here and went to college around here, but a lot of my good friends have moved away.

I just need more people in my life to do stuff with.

- When you're a kid, it's easier to make friends because every day, for eight hours a day, you are stuck in this one place with hundreds of your peers, but for most people, once you get out of school, it's not the same thing.

Having that kind of genuine interaction with people is so few and far between now, and it's so hard to be vulnerable and put yourself in that position where you are going to make a genuine connection with somebody, that it just ...

It's a lot more work than a lot of people are willing to put the time into.

- I think trying to make new friends as an adult is really hard.

It's not like a little difficult.

It's really hard.

Ughh there's like so many layers to it, because some people just straight up do not need more friends and their schedule is full, like they just really don't have time for someone else.

But say we take those people off the table, and everyone's like 25ish and moved recently to town, so they need new friends, but then it's hard because, I mean, it's like dating.

You don't wanna come on too strong.

Even if you really like someone, you know, you want to be cool.

- It's not like when you're a kid, where it's like, "Oh you like playing basketball?

I do too!

We're best friends!"

It's scary, you know, they could say, "Ugh I don't want anything to do with you," or they could go the other way and want to be your friend, but it's just a gamble.

- I think it's scary to go out to an event where you don't know anybody, because immediately you think of worst case scenario of what's gonna happen and you think like everyone's going to laugh at me and my worst fear is that I don't belong with anyone and I don't deserve friends are gonna come true.

I really enjoy trying to make people feel at ease and comfortable even though they're in a place they may not have been and they're with people they don't know and they're doing something that's odd or out of their comfort zone.

- So as somebody who is naturally more introverted or has struggled with kind of anxiety and depression, I definitely try to bring that perspective into Grown Up Club events, and try to always be thinking about if somebody came here and they're going through a hard time or they're not somebody who's naturally outgoing or has an easy time making a connection with somebody to just think about how we can design the event with them in mind.

- Before an event that I'm really nervous about, I just try to tell myself, you know, "Just go.

You don't even have to participate, but just go.

And if you're there for 10 minutes and you really don't like it, then you can leave, but you at least have to give it a try."

And I'm also just, you know, a lot of self talk, like, "Lisa, what are you nervous about?

You're fine, you're cool, everyone loves you!"

You know, I mean, whether that's true or not, that's not the point, but you know, I just try to pump myself up with positive self talk, which sounds maybe really corny, but it works and you gotta do something to get out there.

- There's definitely a stigma to making new friends, and I think that's because you have to admit that you don't have friends.

You have to admit that you're like, "Hey, I'm sitting by myself at the lunch table."

Versus if you're like, "Oh, look at all the friends I have and all the fun things we do together."

Like that's easy to portray.

That's what Facebook is and Instagram and all of these things.

And people are proud to show how they fit in, and it's like exactly the opposite if you're looking to make friends, 'cause you have to just own up to being lonely and being without and looking.

- Gold will be attacking up the Hill of Death, and Magenta will be going into the Valley of Smiles.

The best events for meeting new people are the ones that aren't advertised as being about meeting new people, because no one wants to go to an event where you implicitly say, "I have no friends."

That can be a real turn off for a lot of people, and so any event where it's not focused on making new friends and it's just about doing something really silly or about having fun, it isn't hands on or trying something that you've always wanted to try or try something that you haven't done in 20 years, that provides that bonding principle.

That's the best way to get to know new people.

- So spend five to ten seconds thinking about what your battle cry is.

Tim, what's yours?

- When we as event organizers are forcing people to do things like yell out weird chants before we play Capture the Flag, you're looking around at other people, like, "What's going on?"

I think that creates some sort of bond.

- I think in something like this or even the coloring book event that I went to, it's easier to make friends in those instances, because I think you're just laughing and having a good time, and you're naturally just going to relax and open up more, especially with group activities like this where you have to strategize and you kind of get to know people on a different level, so I think it kind of bonds you instantly.

- Andy, came late, still our fearless leader.

The best thing about having an activity to like facilitate friendships is that you're on a team, so you're automatically like these are your friends, and these are the people you should like playfully trash talk.

It's a lot more fun, because you're not like, "Oh, who should I sit next to in the lunchroom?"

You're just like, "Sit next to those people!

Go interact with those people!"

And then like, you have a goal.

You know, like, you're unified with a cause, so it's like the perfect way to make friends.

- What happens at Capture the Flag I think is a really great example of the kind of feeling we're hoping that people will get when they're at an event or after they leave an event, which is this kind of like, you start, and you're a little unsure, and you kinda see people, and you think everyone looks nice, but you don't really feel totally comfortable yet, but then Tim starts leading this weird chant, and Taylor starts leading everybody in this awkward stretching, and suddenly you're looking around, and everyone's kind of laughing at the same thing, and you're all like starting to get the feeling that you're in this weird thing together, and then, you know, as the event progresses, you start to be forced into these situations where you're meeting people you probably wouldn't otherwise talk to, and you suddenly feel like you're kind of on this team doing this weird thing together.

And maybe you don't leave with a best friend, but you leave feeling like you connected with people and you pushed yourself and it was in a genuine way, not in like a "I'm here to make friends, and here is my phone number, and now we will go to coffee" kind of way, like, I did something cool and something weird with all these other people, and everybody else is like as cool and weird and awkward as I am, if that makes sense.

(laughs)