I'm really glad that I saved all of those things, or that I had all of those things written down, because looking back on them, it's really, it's funny, there are funny moments, but it's also really touching to see my own character progression.

'Cause when you're in your body and you are yourself you don't really...

It doesn't feel dramatic, 'cause it's over many years, but then when you look back on something and see how strongly you felt in a certain way and how you feel the opposite way today.

Yeah, it's just kind of amazing how you shift over time and you don't even realize it until you look back on the things that you wrote before.

"Okay, I'm supposed to be studying for STAT "but I don't want to."

I'm sorry, I'll start over.

"I'm supposed to be studying STAT "but I don't want to, "I wanna go shopping really badly."

I wrote this when I was in college.

I was questioning my identity.

"Can I tell you something?

"Will you promise not to tell anyone?

"I have feelings for someone "and this someone is not a male."

(laughs) Okay, so this is when I was first on OkCupid apparently OkCupid was brand new and people didn't know about it yet.

So it's kind of explaining what it is.

I wrote that, "I'm annoyed because this boy "on OkCupid said really rude things to me via message.

"My friend wanted me to get a profile and experiment, "it has been interesting, "I don't think I'll meet any of these people "but it was kinda funny to see how many messages I got.

"I hope nobody from my family sees my profile, "I keep switching it from straight to bisexual "and back to straight a million times."

(laughs) I'm talking about how people might react to me coming out to them.

I don't know.

So, I wrote, "What if they don't believe me?

"I've never hooked up with a girl they might say, "how do you know?

"And I might say I just do!

"I feel more comfortable telling people I just met "because they can easily add it to the list of things "they know about me.

"For others, they might feel the need to go back "and rethink of everything that's happened.

"Like my best friend, "what if she doesn't wanna have sleepovers any more?"

(snorts) "I just don't know if I'm ready to share that with people.

"I know for sure I could never, ever," in all caps, "tell my parents.

"P.S.

I'm Catholic."

(laughs) I'm kind of getting ready to...

I'm kind of getting ready to come out to my family actually, and I... (man laughs) What was that?

(laughs) "I'm in need of some family advice "and you've always been so supportive of me "throughout the years, which I've really appreciated.

"I've always felt like I had a kindred spirit in you "and I've really enjoyed the chats we've shared.

"Anyway, what I need to tell someone in our family "is that I'm queer.

"I've been dating women for about, the last four years "and I've been out and active in the LGBTQ community.

"But I've always been very closeted within our family.

"Although things are way better now than they've ever been, "I'm scared to tell them because I have no idea "how they'll react.

"I haven't even though about my extended family yet.

"I'd love to have this conversation with my parents soon, "probably while I'm home for Christmas vacation.

"I've been putting it off for years, "trying to find the right time and I recently realized "there's never going to be a right time."

"I realize you wanna come out to my parents "during my visit, it really scares me "but I feel like it's never not going to.

"And I want them to know how happy I am, "so please help me hold myself accountable "in a gentle way.

"I don't wanna lose my nerve."

I didn't, I was out of college at this point and I didn't live at home so I was gonna be visiting home.

"Do you think I should just get it out of the way now "and write them an e-mail?

"Is that crazy?"

"I came out to my parents, I think it went okay.

"I don't really have anything else to say right now, "I'm just really exhausted."

I think at this point I was just really relieved to have that behind me since I had been worrying about it for years.

It just felt really good to know that I was one step closer to just being my true self around everybody in my life, and that was really important to me, so that was a really happy moment.

I think people should definitely write down their feelings and write down what they're experiencing.

Even if they don't, they're not really a writer type person it doesn't really matter, just jot it down because you will wanna look back on that later and it'll be really meaningful to you probably, maybe.

I don't wanna talk for everyone, but.

I think you should come out when you're ready and you shouldn't feel pressured to do it at any certain time, even when it is coming out day, or coming out month, or coming out week.

It doesn't matter, you shouldn't, you shouldn't do it just because it's a certain day or because a lot of other people are doing it.

Do it on your own time, and it'll just go a lot better if you do it when you're ready.

That being said, there are serious benefits to coming out, like being yourself and getting to be yourself around people and it's.... At first it might feel, depending on who you come out to, and how they react, it might feel like it wasn't worth it at first but over time, if you give it a little time, it will be worth it.

For sure.

(upbeat music)