VO: Some of the nation's favorite celebrities... Why have I got such expensive tastes?

VO: ..one antiques expert each... Oh!

(LAUGHS) Argh!

VO: ..and one big challenge - who can seek out and buy the best antiques at the very best prices...

Answers on a postcard.

Oh!

VO: ..and auction for a big profit further down the road?

Start fondling the cash.

VO: Who will spot the good investments?

Who will listen to advice?

Do you like it?

No, I think it's horrible.

VO: And who will be the first to say "Don't you know who I am?!"

Well done, us.

VO: Time to put your pedal to the metal - this is Celebrity Antiques Road Trip!

VO: Yeah!

VO: We're in Norwich for curtain up on a celebrity road trip battle to create profits from antiques.

Treading the boards, two stars of stage and screen - Robert Bathurst and Amanda Donahoe, each with £400 to spend.

They've been working on a new comedy series and although they've known each other a decade, there's something Robert hasn't factored into this project.

AMANDA (AD): I have a slight advantage.

ROBERT (RB): In what way?

Um... that my parents were antique dealers indeed and I did grow up surrounded by antiques.

Right.

Which, of course, didn't interest me in the slightest.

VO: Amanda Donohoe was more interested in acting and after drama school, shot to fame playing opposite Oliver Reid in the film 'Castaway'.

In a varied career, she's worked with Ken Russell, won a Golden Globe for her role in 'LA Law', her adopted home is down the road from Norwich and her local ties include an honorary degree awarded by the University of East Anglia.

Much less of a local is this 1967 Chevrolet Camaro.

Complete with left-hand drive and lap belt, it's more at home in sunny LA I'd have thought.

RB: This has a soft top.

But um...being mid summer...

It's obviously raining because it's England.

VO: Rain apart, nothing could be more quintessentially English than Robert Bathurst.

He's been president of the Cambridge Footlights and has pined for Lady Edith in Downtown Abbey.

In between, he's starred in a host of theater productions as well as Cold Feet, Wild At Heart and My Dad's The Prime Minister.

With no script, our thespian celebrities can't tell how the plot of this road trip will unfold, but Robert's prepared for his role with extremely thorough research.

Philip Serrell.

Oh yes.

RB: And David Harper.

AD: Oh!

And Philip is an auctioneer in Worcester.

VO: Impressive fact finding, Robert.

And just for the record, Philip's a qualified chartered surveyor, who's bought some incredible items.

Incredibly bad items I think.

VO: And his tastes include Royal Worcester porcelain and old cars.

RB: And David runs a business placing antiques around the country and he...you sell through him and then he places what you want to sell at the right auction house.

VO: Thank you, Robert, but I usually do that bit.

I will add that David bought his first antique when he was nine and is passionate about oriental antiques, especially Japanese decorative items.

When it comes to the celebrities, Phil's relying on reminiscence rather than research.

I can remember watching, you know, Amanda in Castaway, do you remember that?

I do remember that, yeah.

PHIL (PS): And Oliver Reid, that just... working with him, I would think it could range from being just the best to an absolute nightmare.

I would have thought so.

It's a bit like working with you, Philip.

One minute, it's heaven.

One minute, it's hell.

VO: Philip is the Oliver Reid of antiques?

Ha!

There's a thought!

Now... (CLEARS THROAT) ..before anyone beats me to it, our experts are driving a Mini Cooper.

Thorough research would link it to the Italian Job, Michael Caine and a gold bullion heist.

PS: So this is the Norfolk equivalent of the Italian Job, isn't it?

We're in a John Cooper special.

You're not going to take me down a sewer, are you?

VO: No sewers, thanks.

Just a road trip from Norwich, which trundles across the Norfolk countryside into the Lincolnshire Fens, then heads south to an auction near Dartford in Kent.

En route to their rendezvous, Philip has invented a rationale for pairing up with Amanda.

PS: I love the Yorkshire Dales and she appeared in Emmerdale.

Right.

I absolutely love the Yorkshire Dales.

I think that is just the worst excuse.

VO: We've heard them all now.

Norwich - the meeting point - has many historic buildings, including a magnificent Norman Cathedral.

It's so impressed the local peregrine falcons that they've taken up residence in the spire.

The newest arrivals are noisier.

DAVID: Oh my God!

Very stylish!

A Camero.

Hello, woah!

The little and large show!

That's small, isn't it?

Don't be so rude!

Hi there.

Hello.

Hi there.

Robert, hello.

Robert, good to see you.

Woah, gotta work him!

Hello, I'm David.

Hello.

Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

That's a doubler.

Hello.

How are you?

David, nice to meet you.

Philip, hello.

Lovely to meet you.

Lovely to meet you.

Who's getting that car?

And who's with who?

It's sort of... there's a natural divide here.

I think so.

It's already worked, hasn't it?

Green is my color, you see.

Well, you know, it must be because this one here, this is his excuse.

He wants Amanda because he loves the Yorkshire Dales.

I said "where's the..." just because she's on Emmerdale, what a rubbish excuse!

I love the Yorkshire Dales.

YORKSHIRE ACCENT: I could speak like that for you.

Aye, aye oh, aye.

Shall we go round talking like that?

No, no.

Let's not.

Well, Robert, you can teach me how to speak properly.

Oh.

VO: I say, rather old chap!

With pairs and cars decided, it's on with the show.

Phil wants to know if his new teammate's an antiques rookie.

My parents were antique dealers.

I grew up in a house filled...

I've got a ringer.

I've got a ringer.

Get in there!

Harper, look out boy!

Oh yes!

Really?

Well, I'm just going to sit back and let you do it all.

Problem is...

I've got celebrity and expert all in one bod.

VO: It doesn't get better than that you know, Phil.

Except you also get to ask the question you're dying to ask.

Oliver Reid, I mean that must have been just a dream to work with him, was it?

Eh... Hmm.

No, it wasn't.

Yeah... Oliver was a phenomenally good screen actor, there's no question.

But he liked a little... he just liked the drink a little too much as we all know.

Yeah.

But my main absolute joy was working with my favorite all time director, which was Nick Rogue...

But... Oliver came along with that.

It was buy one, get one free almost.

Buy one, get one free.

VO: Mmm.

I wonder if they can clinch a BOGOF deal with their £400 at the first shop.

PS: Hello.

AD: Hello.

Hello there.

Amanda.

Hello, nice to meet you, I'm Pasquale.

Pasquale, Philip, how are you?

Good to see you.

Welcome to the Treasure Chest.

VO: Treasure Chest Antiques has 36 stalls with an amazing variety of wares but Amanda and Phil get waylaid at the very first cabinet.

They're really lovely.

PS: They're bookplates, aren't they?

They are, I think they probably are, I can't get it out of this.

There's the name and the price of that one here.

15... so they're... ..by Max Beerbohm, ah!

Max Beerbohm.

Good artist.

He is and that's... Well sought after.

I'm attracted to them somewhat.

VO: The images are by Sir Max Beerbohm, a noted caricaturist and wit of the Edwardian era.

Probably taken from a book.

Why do you like them?

I don't know.

I've always loved prints, I have always loved drawing.

Do you know, that is a... that smacks that you were brought up in this business because most people would shy away from prints and prints are a good old fashioned academic antique dealer's lot.

Yeah.

VO: Philip has reservations that the cost of mounting and framing might deter bidders at the auction but Amanda thinks they'll appeal.

I think they're really beautiful, tasteful.

We knew...

They'd look good in a contemporary or a non-contemporary setting.

Yeah, I like that.

Do you know what I mean?

Well, I can see that looking quite cool.

VO: It's a tough decision so they decide to investigate what else the shop has to offer.

Phil finds a weird tribute to space exploration.

I think it's really funky, this is...this is a 1970s television.

Now, you know, if you just said to me 15 years ago that Philip Serrell would be looking at a 1970s lunar module space helmet television, I'd have...you are bonkers!

VO: Actually, it's said to be an 80s homage to the space shuttle, but what matters is what Amanda thinks.

It's horrible but he likes it.

VO: That's a no then.

They decide to buy four of the Beerbohm images, ticket price is £15 each.

I'm thinking Pasquale, that at auction, these are going to make £20-40 for the four.

20-40.

Yeah.

Which means we've got to give you just under that to try and have a chance of making a profit.

If you can do it.

PASQUALE: I think the best I can do on those is 30.

PS: I don't... don't want to give more than £20 for them.

That's what I really think.

I'll meet you halfway - 25.

I honestly think we've got to give you 20.

That's being fair, isn't it?

I think he, he... Let me just...

I'm going to leave it to him.

We sell these for £30, we don't make a shilling because we pay our commission, which brings us back to 25 quid.

Now, I know I'm being really really hard on you, but I honestly think they're going to make between £20-40 and we want to try and win this, don't we?

With £20, right and if they make more than £40, you come back and buy me coffee.

Buy you two coffees.

Bargain.

OK, but let's put... let's, let's...

He gets a kiss for that.

VO: The deal's sealed with a kiss at £20.

No.

No, no, no, no.

VO: Quite right, that's enough excitement.

Well, perhaps not.

Where are you taking me?

Are you excited?

Are you genuinely excited?

I am genuinely excited because it's completely outside my understanding of anything, I've never done this sort of thing before, I've been to couple of antique shops but I've not... so I'm in your hands and very happy to be guided.

Oh, well that's encouraging for me so no matter what I say, you're going to believe it.

Is that true Robert?

Please say that's true.

I can indeed say... no, no, I'll pick up any old tat and eh...

Perfect!

..and say eh... Ming.

VO: That bodes well.

The first shop of the day is Elm Hill Collectables.

Aha!

Hello there.

Hello there.

Hi there, David Harper.

Hi David, I'm Paul.

Hello Paul, nice to meet you.

And I'm Robert, hello.

Hello Robert.

Hi.

This is you then, Paul.

This is me.

Wow.

OK, what do we specialize in?

Nothing.

Ah, good man.

Love it.

VO: A quick rummage soon leads to Robert's first lesson in antiques and collectables.

How important is it for toys that they should be in their original boxes and stuff?

Unbelievably important, in fact one of the most fundamental points in the value of a toy is its box.

Do you still have the box and is it in good condition?

RB: That's the trouble with these things, you know, you want to use them.

I mean these blow football, have you ever played blow football?

Yes!

I loved it.

It's great, I mean, blow football is responsible for transmitting infectious diseases I think, to children over the years, I mean it's most insanitary, isn't it?

Would you want to buy a second hand blow football kit?

DAVID: Yes!

But I mean...what was his name, Stanley Matthews, I always thought he was a blow football player because he was a great dribbler.

So, yeah...anyway.

So here we are.

DAVID: Do you remember this from childhood?

RB: Yeah, I do.

Yeah, yeah, it was sort of little bits of spit sort of... Yeah.

..hitting it.

I think this is Arsenal versus Man United I reckon probably.

We made our own fun in those days.

VO: Also up for grabs is an old Monopoly set and a variety of other games.

Some unusual and some more conventional.

Robert and David think it's an appealing selection.

Let me get a price off Paul.

Paul.

RB: See what we can do.

PAUL: Yes?

The box of boxed old games on the floor, could they be remarkably cheap?

PAUL: Yes, cuz I want it out the way.

DAVID: OK. How much is remarkably cheap?

PAUL: How many are in there?

Ten?

There's 10 in there, would they be...what?

A pound each?

Yeah, you can have the whole lot for £10.

The whole lot for £10.

Yeah, I reckon we can turn a penny, if not two and maybe we can just put some disinfectant on the blow football.

Should we have a play?

Yeah, give it a go.

Shall we have a go?

Where's all the kit then?

Let's have a look.

OK. VO: So, it's the first deal done at a tenner and time to see who's premiership.

TB or cholera?

Uh, TB please.

Thank you.

(WHISTLE BLOWS) VO: An expert full of wind?

Who'd have thought it?

(BOTH SHOUT) VO: Come on, Robert.

Yes!

That was an own goal, so there we are.

Robert, great match, I think a draw.

One-all.

Yeah.

VO: They think it's all over but the road trip's a game of two halves.

Just up the road, Amanda and Philip are at the Bridewell Museum to see its St Valentine's collection.

Amanda's nearest city once had some local twists on the national custom.

Glorious, isn't it?

AD: Hello!

HELEN: Hello.

Are you Helen?

Yes, I am.

Pleased to meet you.

I'm Philip.

How are you?

Good to see you.

Come on in.

VO: Helen Renton is the assistant curator of the museum, which celebrates the history of Norwich.

AD: What's in this cabinet?

Well, what does Valentine's Day mean to you?

Expense.

VO: Who says romance is dead?

Lots of cards I imagine.

Oh wow!

Yes.

In Norwich, Valentine's is something quite different or it certainly was in the 19th century.

In Norwich, we celebrated Valentine's eve, 13 February and we gave cards, but as well as cards, everybody gave everybody else presents as well.

Nice.

And presents were given not only to your sweethearts but everyone in the family got them, especially the children.

VO: The custom's origins aren't clear but the presents were not cheap.

It was a post-Christmas boost for the shops in Norwich, which took on extra sales staff.

PS: I can't get over really, for what is now a relatively tongue-in-cheek - perhaps fun from a bloke's perspective - celebration.

PS: This was expensive.

HELEN: It was big business.

Big, big... yeah.

That was only part of the story.

I'll show you some more interesting things if you'd like to come with me.

Might get a card!

Might get a Valentine's!

VO: Laid out behind the scenes are more Valentine's cards and gifts.

AD: This gorgeous piece... That's like a little willow pattern.

Is it?

The English scent bottle, isn't it, with the English hallmark around it.

And what's your... you're good at hallmarks and I haven't got my glasses on.

That's prob... well it's London and I would think it's sort of back end of the 19th century.

VO: The present giving tradition in Norwich developed a mischievous twist.

People would have left the presents on the doorstep.

Right.

So little boys would wrap a present up, leave it on a doorstep, knock the door, run away and as the person answered the door, bent down to pick up the present, the little boy would pull the string and the present would be whipped away and the person would probably end up on their nose, which they thought was hilarious.

So that was one of the ways that Valentine's got a bad name I'm afraid and if you'd like to come over here, I'll show you some of the other ways.

Really?

Mm.

Oh, look at these.

These are fantastic.

Now, these are not your traditional Valentine's cards, they are Valentines though and they were aimed at people that you didn't like.

Because you could send a Valentine's card anonymously, that tradition was then open to people sending Valentines to people that they didn't like.

So, if you had a neighbor that you thought was a bit of a scold or you had a butcher that you didn't get on very well with, you could send them one of these and they would be deeply hurt.

PS: I'm glad there's not one for an auctioneer amongst them.

I'm surprised there isn't.

Oh yeah, thank you!

"You think that you are pretty, but tis really not the case, it certainly is a pity that your teeth are out of place.

You're neither wise, nor witty and you wear a double face..." Some lady nobody liked and she's literally got two faces.

HELEN: Can you imagine how upsetting that would be?

Yes!

And it was these kinds of cards which became more and more popular that actually put an end to Valentine's Day as we know it.

PS: So these are like universal almost, across the country.

This happened up and down the country and because they were so nasty, by the end of the 19th century, the tradition died out altogether and it was only really the First World War when people were apart from their loved ones that they started to send cards again and the manufacturers jumped on the bandwagon as ever.

Well, let me tell you, in certain parts of Worcestershire, there is still no Valentine's Day.

That's in your house.

That's very sad, isn't it?

Very sad.

Thank you so much, Helen.

Thanks Helen.

Thank you.

Come along, Philip.

VO: Robert and David have left Norwich behind and are heading west across Norfolk to the town of King's Lynn.

King's Lynn was one of England's most important ports from the 12th century onwards and its prosperous mercantile past is evident in the buildings that remain.

Whether Robert and David have a prosperous mercantile future is in the hands of the Old Granary Antiques Centre.

It's home to a dozen dealers with everything from coins to vintage clothes.

David's eye's drawn by something fishy in dealer Ruth's stock.

What's that little fish carving there?

RUTH: Right.

Is it a brooch?

No, it's actually a little, just a little carving of a fish of some sort.

Chinese, Japanese or whatever.

Oh, let's have a look at him.

Robert... What do you feel about...

I'll just take my glasses off.

It's a carving, so it's...

It's a carving.

Quite a sort of lustrous.

VO: The fish appears to be a Japanese Okimono, a decorative miniature sculpture.

This should be right up David's street.

DAVID: Would you say that's a carp?

Erm... Ruth, would you say to carp?

We've got coy carp in the pond and they don't look anything like that.

Really, don't they?

Do you think it's a stylized carp?

Yes, exactly.

Stylized, that's it, stylized.

Yes.

DAVID: I think it's representing a carp, it's an important fish in the Orient, the carp, because you know the carp swims against the tide a bit like a salmon, so people that own models of carps do so because they feel it represents a bit of their character and personality, yeah, strength, independence, doing it their own way.

I think he's gorgeous.

RB: It's quite intricate, it's intricate, it's rather...erm... fine, isn't it?

DAVID: If that was 18th century and in jade and Chinese with a nice imperial mark on, it'd be worth £200,000.

What do you think of it?

RB: What do I think of it?

Well, I think it's eh, we've got a choice here.

I think it's either a carp that's immensely valuable or it's just an anagram of carp.

(DAVID LAUGHS) VO: The ticket price is £39, definitely something to carp about.

Robert takes the lead role in haggling, hoping thorough analysis will get results.

RB: My deal breaking skills are legendarily awful but yes, well I would hope to make a fiver on it and I would like to think that we could make a fiver on it and I would imagine... this is my informed opinion from minutes of experience in this whole world that we could get maybe £28 for it, maybe £25, £28.

I would love to turn a profit on that so if I was to say £20, we might be able to make some sort of profit on it.

Yes, I think that would be alright.

Thank you, Ruth.

Thank you very much.

Well, that's the longest bit of negotiating I have ever, ever witnessed.

Not joking, but brilliant though, brilliant.

Wasn't even negotiating, it was just basically a lecture and you just went "yes".

VO: It could be beginner's luck or a cunning plan but either way, it's effective.

Brilliant.

VO: Inspired, David takes a closer look at the cabinet that yielded the fish and finds a perfume bottle.

DAVID: Is that erm... ..is that uranium glass?

RUTH: Uranium glass.

Yeah.

VO: Uranium glass was most commonly made in the first half of the 20th century when small quantities of uranium oxide were added during glass manufacture.

The glass has a yellow or green tint and glows under ultraviolet light.

Do you like it?

It's very substantial, isn't it?

Yeah.

And the shape of it, I mean it's got a sort of... now, here I go.

Go on, go on, you've got it...

It has got sort of 1930s... sort of fluting with Joan Collins 1980s shoulder pads.

And it is actually rather unusual and what I like about it, it has got a chunky feel to it, it's actually solid.

It feels substantial.

It's got a rather interesting color, if you hold it up even to the pink light behind, you can tell, you can see something, it's almost as though it's full of some elixir.

I think you've got it.

I think you've nailed it.

It's got weight, it's got color, it's got design.

It's got absolute quality.

It's screaming quality.

RB: 1950s?

DAVID: I think it is earlier.

Earlier?

I think you're closer with your first... 30s, 40s?

Yeah, I think it's 20s, 30s.

OK, right.

It's definitely got a Deco feel here, hasn't it?

Yes, yes, yes.

Look at some hallmarks, so we've got... Oh it's Sampson Mordan, OK Sampson Mordan is the maker, the silversmith, top end quality.

And it just now proves it.

So you've got the style, the look, the quality, the feel, now you've got the maker, Sampson Mordan.

VO: It's an interesting piece, but at £75, it might take more than a monologue to get it down to the right price.

DAVID: Shall we use your tactic of talking her to death and then hitting her with a bid?

It's a failsafe device.

And what we want is to get Ruth before she keels over so better not do that.

VO: Safety first!

You...I think if you... You exercise your wiles on Ruth for this one.

Now, this little perfume bottle here Ruth, what could that be to Robert and I as a trade deal?

Because we're both in the trade, Robert's been in the trade for two minutes admittedly but he's getting there, he's learning quickly.

Can we get it at 30 Ruth?

Eh... 60?

Oh really?

Oh dear.

He is doing the... (SUCKS AIR) I got the teeth suck.

40 Ruth?

It has got to be 50.

If I was taking that down to London, I would expect to get 120 for it.

There you are.

Is there a rack available?

Now we don't go that far.

So it's 50 or nothing?

RUTH: It is.

OK. My vote is we have it at 50.

What do you say?

You can have the casting vote.

I shall be excited selling that and let's do 50, yeah.

Let's have it.

Ruth thank you very much indeed, thank you.

RUTH: Thank you very much.

Thank you.

DAVID: Very happy with that.

Very happy.

VO: So our thespian antiques novice ends his debut with a fish, a footie game and a fancy bottle.

It's been quite a performance.

Night night teams.

VO: It's a new day and Amanda is focused on digging for information on the opposition.

AD: So what did you get up to yesterday then?

Yesterday?

Yes.

What with...in the shops?

Yes Robert, in the shops.

In the shops, well...

It was good and we are getting them crated up.

Crated up?

VO: He is not a successful actor for nothing don't you know.

RB: Yeah, I think they are on the low roader and we we'll be, we'll be, we'll be, winching them down... ..to the auction house.

VO: What a fibber.

Robert and David's supposed lorry load of goodies has cost them £80 and amounts to the selection of games... TB or cholera?

Eh TB please.

Thank you.

VO: ..the carved stone fish and the rather posh perfume bottle.

Unorthodox negotiating... Is there a rack available?

VO: ..leaves them with £320 for today.

Phil was immediately impressed by Amanda's savvy.

You are sharp, I like you.

VO: But the pair waited in the wings somewhat buying only the four Max Beerbohm images.

The deal was sealed at £20.

He gets a kiss for that.

Thank you.

VO: It means they have a whopping £380 left to spend.

But to use it all, Phil might need to update Amanda's ideas about what to buy and sell.

PS: I think she has got an old fashioned antique dealer's eye.

DAVID: OK. PS: Which isn't necessarily today's market.

DAVID: Totally not the market.

VO: It might not be easy.

AD: He did steer me towards something that was peculiar yesterday which was the 1970s television that looked like a helmet.

It was as far from an antique as you could possibly get.

Someone had written NASA on it.

In felt tip.

Yes!

Exactly.

VO: The teams have left Norfolk behind them and made their way to the rendezvous just south of Boston in Lincolnshire.

PS: Well done, excellent driving.

DAVID: Don't comment on my driving please.

PS: You look frozen!

Good morning.

You look frozen.

Chilly.

How are you partner?

We are going to knock 'em dead today.

Are you really?

Well good luck.

All the best, shall I drive?

Have a lovely time.

Of course.

I think we are in here.

Clutterbugs Collectables.

Clutterbugs, are you ready for it?

I'm ready.

Oh nice and warm in here.

See you guys.

See you later.

Bye.

Don't try and buy too much.

VO: Clutterbugs is a general antiques and collectables shop with the wares spread over two floors.

What is your name?

ALAN: Alan.

DAVID: Alan.

Great.

I'm Robert.

Robert, nice to see you.

Marvelous, this is all yours?

VO: There is lots to look at but deciding what will do best at auction isn't easy.

With £320 still to spend, the expert and the novice discuss a buying strategy.

Something quirky and out of the ordinary is always a winner in an auction.

It can bite you but it can also, you know... Be good to take a risk though.

I love taking a risk and on odd things.

VO: Odd?

Here goes... DAVUD: What would you feel about a little miniature house made out of matchsticks?

I am thinking of that little beastie down there.

Obviously made out of matchsticks, it is not the kind of thing I dream about, I have got to tell you, it is not the Chippendale table that I am lusting after eventually in my life.

But it is odd.

Well, let's drag it out.

It is very cobwebby.

RB: A house move.

It has been here...look at the cobwebs, it has been here forever.

Yeah.

Are you listening to this Alan?

ALAN: I put that out special!

VO: Cobwebs show demand is slow - it might mean a bargain.

Right, OK. Who on earth made this?

RB: Who on earth lives in a house like this?

VO: Peering through the keyhole reveals the answer.

Look you have got dead wasps here.

I think they should stay.

And beetles.

That is added value isn't it?

I think you are right.

VO: The house doesn't open up but it is built from thousands of matchsticks.

DAVID: Age wise, I suppose 10, 20, 30 years old or something?

But it is a bit bonkers.

Yes, yes.

What are you thinking?

It is odd, it is not particularly fine.

DAVID: That is very polite.

I mean they are not architectural things are they?

VO: Crikey, there are two.

No one has employed an architect to make them a model of a house they are going to build a dream home.

No, no, it is the sort of thing you might have, a Thunderbirds set that get's blown up.

Maybe that is what they were for.

I think it would be something that someone would... ..not want to spend more than a fiver or tenner on particularly.

I think you might be right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It is just match wood but the effort that has gone into it is... staggering.

I am sort of tempted I have got to tell you.

I am tempted, I think they are mad.

Yes well they are.

Exactly.

I tell you what is really appealing about them is the endeavor.

VO: There is no doubting the effort that went into both houses but although the ticket price is £25 each, Alan is happy to wave goodbye to the pair for £10.

Strike a light.

Shall we have them?

We'll have them for a tenner.

VO: The deal is done.

Whether it's matchless is debatable.

Amanda and Phil are making their way from Boston through the heart of Fenn country, to Long Sutton.

It's a small market town through which they say the highwayman Dick Turpin once passed.

I wonder if the dealers at Long Sutton Antiques Centre will stand and deliver?

Amanda and Phil have £380 to spend so I am guessing a cash transaction is what John Row would prefer.

Nice to meet you welcome to Long Sutton Antiques.

This is Amanda.

How are you?

Nice to meet you.

VO: The Antiques and crafts center is spread over two floors selling everything from grandfather clocks to gift ware but a few surprises.

What's that?

It is like a body massager, which is just what it is.

Oh is it?

Yes, so if you wanted to be Miss Whiplash, not that you would want to be Miss Whiplash but... Nice.

Give us your shoulder.

PS: I tell you what, it does the job.

You have got to get the wife to... Not know.

..to do this.

Oh right.

Yes, don't tell the wife.

VO: My lips are sealed.

It is back to business and for Phil, old habits die hard.

And the reason why that is split, is because this lot here... Is warped.

It all shrinks and warps at different rates.

Because it's not sealed.

Yeah.

Why am I telling this to antique dealer's daughter, who knows it anyway?

It is alright.

Come on, get on with it.

VO: Amanda's instinctively traditional eye is drawn to some mahogany furniture.

AD: Got a little toy, a little toy bed here which is rather sweet.

It is quite, it's a doll's piece.

It's a piece of doll's furniture.

Dolls furniture.

Ah we have got a slat missing.

You have also got the canopy missing.

Canopy?

It's a four poster isn't it?

Oh yes, you have got little... you can see the little holes.

There should be a canopy on there.

Oh what a shame.

I think that would hold it back.

I think you're right.

Doll's house furniture by and large is quite sought after.

I think so too and it is mahogany and it has lovely little... Those are brilliant little casters.

Beautiful little casters.

Casters are worth 50 quid aren't they?

At auction, that is £40-60 worth.

Really?

Yeah, so I can't see us getting that for £30-40, I really can't.

VO: The ticket price is £110, so hard bargaining would be needed.

It's a maybe, while the search continues.

Phil... Yeah?

What do you reckon to this little...

I love that.

..crib?

Sort of thing that doll collectors and teddy bear collectors might buy.

Do you know, it is quite unusual because most of these are always in oak and they're quite rustic.

This is slightly finer isn't it?

It says there it's oak but is that oak?

VO: It is not easy to be sure.

Dealer Jimmy lends a second opinion.

I am not sure that is oak.

JIMMY: It looks mahogany Phil, to me.

That's mahogany isn't it?

Yeah.

That's mahogany.

And it's just usual in that it's mahogany.

You are absolutely spot on with what you said because doll collectors and teddy bear collectors buy these.

Yeah.

But the other thing I have seen people do which I think is really cool, you either put all your magazines... Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Or they're a log basket.

VO: It is an attractive piece but it's £125 and Phil's expert eye spots some suspect marks.

If you look here, can you see those run lines there?

Yes.

While I would think...

It is stained.

Someone has tried to put a false age on it.

And when they put a false age on it, it's just run.

Basically, it is not a right thing.

It's not, is it?

It has been altered in some way, you can see the base of it is not quite what it was.

But it is still an interesting little piece.

There is no doubt you've got different timbers because that there is oak, that's mahogany.

Uh-huh.

But at the end of the day, it is what it is what it is.

VO: Despite its flaws, it's appealing and it's added to the shortlist.

The next find is Phil's.

PS: It's an old gramophone horn, isn't it?

VO: The ticket price is £40.

What I think you would do with that, is one of two things right - I think you'd mount it on a piece of wood.

Yes.

Or polished steel, you put a piece of flex up there, you put a bulb in there and you've got a great, really trendy light.

Yeah.

Or you put a speaker in there and you have got a really great trendy speaker for an iPod.

VO: Inventive or barking?

I need to get out more, I really do need to get out more.

It saw you coming madam.

I know, I know, I know.

I actually... Nice try.

Look, if you think that will sell, I have to bow to your greater knowledge.

OK, I need to get out more, I really do need to get out more.

VO: More importantly, you need to make some decisions.

And they depend on price.

The doll's bed is £110.

PS: Would 35 be any good for you?

That would be our best shot.

JOHN: 40, go on.

And what is the very best you could do on the horn?

The very, very best on that?

That is quite saleable as it is, so I'd still say 35.

OK, and you couldn't do any less than that for that at all?

You can have them both.

PS: No, no, no.

JOHN:: Oh.

Well, we might do, I don't know.

We might do.

£70 the pair.

OK, I think we need to sit down and think about this.

Alrighty.

Can I borrow a bit of pen and paper?

Uh-huh.

Please, because we need to do some sums here.

Sums.

VO: Some calculations quickly clarify the options.

John, can we give you £60 for the horn and the bed?

JOHN: OK, no problem.

PS: You sure?

Absolutely.

Gentleman.

OK, thank you.

Really.

VO: So the doll's bed is reduced from £110 to £30.

Ha!

And the horn from £40 to £30, meaning the crib is still on the wishlist at £125.

Jimmy?

Phil.

You take Amanda shopping, she goes shopping doesn't she?

We decided we just like this.

Right.

OK. We think it's lovely.

But we see it at 60 quid and that for us, is the end of it really.

60?

Can you do that?

This often helps, this is a ploy I learned in my early days.

Get the cash out.

Get the cash out, two, four... Start fondling the cash.

Look, look, he's like moth to a flame.

VO: Oh, it is a great ploy but... 60 is a little bit low Phil, I would probably need to see another brown one on there from you.

I haven't got a brown one but I've got a blue one.

A blue one?

Is that alright?

Actually the blue one's green.

It is.

Never mind.

Is that alright?

That might just give me a slight profit Phil so I'll be quite happy with that.

You're a gentleman.

Thank you ever so much.

Thank you so much.

Yeah, we are going to rush this lady off now.

See you later.

Bye.

VO: With £60 off the ticket price, Amanda and Phil have their fourth lot in the bag.

Robert and David are just outside Boston considering their carbon footprint.

DAVID: It's a bit of a gas guzzler, it looks the business but I bet you we are not doing any more than eight miles to the gallon.

DAVID: I bet we're not.

RB: No.

DAVID: But it is quite possibly worth it.

RB: Well it is red, but it is not green.

DAVID: It is not green, that's for sure.

VO: Not to worry chaps, there are far more modest ways of motoring, which you can explore with help from Paula Ashley Morris.

Hello there.

Hello I am Paula.

Paula, David Harper, lovely to meet you.

Hello I'm Robert.

This is Robert.

PAULA: Hello.

DAVID: This is Paula.

Welcome to the bubble car museum.

We're very excited, one followed us in I think, I think he beeped us.

I believe he did.

VO: Paula runs the bubble car museum, a celebration of micro cars - that's cars with engines smaller than 700CC.

They come in an extraordinary range of designs.

There are British bubble cars dating from the 1950s to the 1970s and overseas rivals including Heinkel and Messerschmitt.

Were the first bubble cars German?

They were more or less all made at the same time - in England they made Bonds and early Reliants.

RB: Yes.

Germany did the Messerschmitt.

Most were three wheeler.

So you can actually drive them on a motorbike license.

So what you did was you drove a motorbike, you had your brylcreemed hair and then you got a side car and a wife and then you got children and of course they couldn't all cram in.

So these little three wheeler cars, people could buy without having taken another driving test.

So it got people from motorbike owners into car owners which is quite a big a social climb.

VO: Paula and her other half Mike hadn't planned to start a museum but their own collection just grew.

One of the stars is a Messerschmitt three wheeler - lovely.

DAVID: Isn't that delicious?

PAULA: That's an original color, that is aero silver, with a red interior.

Sir Dan Dare pod?

Oooooh!

Yeah.

How cool would you be in that?

I'm not entirely sure.

You would be cool in that Robert.

You could be cool in that.

Even I couldn't be cool in that.

No, no, you would be cool.

VO: The first version of the car in 1948 was an invalid carriage designed by aeronautical engineer Fritz Fend.

He went on to collaborate with the designer Willy Messerschmitt on a two seater that owes something of its looks to the fighter planes.

It was a new venture for the Messerschmitt company which was not permitted to make aircraft in the post war years.

RB: So how fast would something like this go?

That would cruise at 60, comfortably, it's a little Sachs engine, it's got its own, sort of, you know, own engine.

What is that?

Is that..?

That tiny thing down there.

You're joking?

That's it.

I'm amazed.

One piston but it will do 60 comfortably.

I mean my husband's driven all over Europe in them.

VO: Europe's ambitious.

But there is time for a micro road trip.

Oh gosh, so we've got a battleship grey and a bright red, guard's red, that is almost like a Porche color that.

Yeah.

Mmm, which one do we get?

Right.

And we have got two racing drivers have we?

VO: At the wheels of these two Heinkel Trojans are Paula's husband Mike and Trojan enthusiast Gary.

David seems to know something.

Goodbye Robert, it's been really nice knowing you.

RB: Chocks away.

VO: Now, Robert seems a fairly sort of laid back chap and David is Mr Competitive.

I wonder what on earth might happen next... DAVID: You do feel a bit like a fighter pilot and you just want to get him don't you?

You want to get him Mike, that's what you want to do.

RB: What are they like on hills?

Drop your speed to 10mph and you go up in first gear.

DAVID: Is there any way you can get him?

Can we sneak up along him, what do you reckon then?

We're just dilly dallying like a pair of girls.

VO: The race concept seems lost on Robert.

Losers!

Look at them, gossiping away, like a couple of old fish wives.

But we're in the lead Michael, doesn't it feel good eh?

MIKE: Much better.

DAVID: Much better.

VO: It's mini rather than micro for Amanda and Phil as they arrive in their final shop in Spalding.

PS: I reckon this is just the spot for us, look at that eh?

AD: Look at that!

The Italian job.

It is, isn't it.

How cool is that eh?

We should rush out now and shut the doors.

The Italian job comes to Spalding.

AS MICHAEL CAINE: You were only supposed to blow the bloody doors off.

Come on Michael.

VO: I'm not sure they stock gold bullion at Spalding Antiques but there might be some other treasure to find, with help from owner John and his friend Peggy.

Hello.

Hello.

Hi, this is Amanda.

And you know who this is.

Hello.

Nice to see you Phil.

How are you?

I love that.

Isn't it beautiful?

Yeah, innit?

How much?

How much is it?

It could be £400 to you.

Shall I wrap it?

Not just yet.

VO: Dream on John, they've only got £255 left.

There is lots to look at but some of it leaves even Amanda puzzled.

What is it?

A wool winder.

A wool winder?

Yeah.

So you put your wool... Well you could... this... these pull out... this sort of... it is almost not metamorphic, almost telescopic, but these pull out and...

I don't want to just force it.

No.

Oh I see, yes, yes.

Right, so you can extend these one way or the other, you put your wool on there and then you just wind it.

Oh.

It is made of lignum vitae.

VO: Lignum vitae is an exceptionally durable wood that comes from a rare species of tree found in the Caribbean.

The name derives from the Latin for wood of life, as if was believed to have medicinal properties.

PS: This at auction is going to make between 40 and 60 quid.

OK.

So we need to try and get it if we can for around £35.

I don't know the price, what's the price?

85.

See if I can read that without my glasses.

Yeah.

85.

85.

You are going to have to start smiling.

What's the very best you can do it for?

JOHN: The very best Phil would be 60.

I think at auction it's going to make £40 to £60 you know.

55 would be the very best.

We'll put it back, we'll put it back.

VO: Phil's determined to play hardball so the duo rootle for an alternative buy and find his long lost twin.

Look, a perfect match.

Who gets these people?

Where do they come from?

VO: Phil's not impressed, so the wool winder is back at the top of the list.

PS: John, our best shot for this would be 45 if it's any good to you?

That's cash is it Phil?

It is cash in hand sir.

JOHN: Done.

AD: Thank you very much.

VO: Patience pays off, the winder's reduced from £85 to £45 and with that final purchase, it is time to see who gets wound up and who unravels as the teams reveal all.

Wa-da-da-da-da!

RB: Hey, look at this.

DAVID: OK.

Right, where do we start?

The prints.

AD: The prints, that was the first thing we got, which are some lovely prints, that is actually Henry Gibson, so it says.

OK. Then you've got the regency style bed.

PS: It's a little doll's bed, missing its canopy, a couple of slats are missing but we just thought it was a bit of fun, didn't we?

VO: Hm, they're not laughing.

It is.

DAVID: That I think is rather nice, I've got to say.

Don't you think?

Yeah, well I would like to know what it is really.

It's a lignum vitae wool winder.

So you pull the arms out and put your skein wool on there and you just spin it round... RB: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

..and wind the wool into a ball.

We've got four very traditional old fashioned antique lots.

OK, go for it.

PS: I've got the horn.

DAVID: Absolutely, of course you did.

I like it.

VO: Moving swiftly on.

Right, OK, here we go.

This reveal, here we are, this is ours.

Yeah, slowly, slowly.

AD: What is it with toys, we like our toys, don't we?

Good grief, you've got the whole Southfork.

..property business.

OK, so... RB: One lot.

DAVID: This is one lot, about 10 boxed games from the 1950s, 60s, possibly trickling into the 70s but we had a bit of fun didn't we?

Are they complete?

Yeah, they're pretty good.

I'm not sure pretty good is an answer.

AD: There are bits missing.

What do you want to talk about next?

Southfork.

Southfork, hello!

These are handmade, these are crafts, well... No they're handmade.

That is a loose term, crafts.

I don't know how much art went into them let alone craft.

But a lot of time, a lot of time.

PS: Yeah, wasted.

Absolutely wasted.

..a lot of time on their hands.

What did you pay for those?

£5 each.

We bought them together but we are going to separate them, one lot each.

VO: Their opponents are confused.

Did you not get the title of this program?

Yes, antique sort of comes into it.

Road Trip.

OK, do you want an antique?

Not salvage hunters.

I am going to show you what I think is the best antique.

Antique.

Please tell me, if that was bought for you as a gift, would you or would you not be absolutely delighted?

You would dump him wouldn't you?

You would dump him.

If a bloke gave you that... Come on Amanda, you have got style and elegance.

Is it silver?

Yeah!

SHE has.

Well, our final, final one is this piece here.

Shall I get my glasses out?

I think you should actually.

There you go.

Have a look at that.

What is it?

It's a little carved carp.

Oh I see, there's the tail of the fish.

Yeah.

PS: It's quite sweet.

AD: It's quite sweet.

It's a pretty little thing, it really is.

How much was that?

Em... 20 quid.

I don't think they were trying very hard Phil, what do you think?

Well, you know, Antique Road Trip.

Come on, let's go have a jar, I've had enough of this.

Oh listen to that.

Well, we will see when we get to the auctions.

VO: Gosh, if it's no holds barred now, what on earth will they say in private?

I tell you what I think David, I think they spent too much money.

Yeah, so do I. Yeah, on old fashioned stuff.

I mean I made a special effort to remain tasteful and in the category of vague antique.

And they come out with a matchstick house.

PS: And a load of discarded children's toys.

Actually, I'm feeling really quite confident.

I always do then it all goes terribly wrong but it doesn't matter, I'm still feeling very confident.

I wouldn't swap our purchases for theirs.

No, I'm encouraged by that.

We've enjoyed it.

And we have given the viewers a visual feast of antiquity.

Do you know what, I love this lady.

She is the new love of my life I think, she has just been brilliant.

And you are mine.

VO: I hate to interrupt a budding romance but right now it is about lucre not love as our teams head south to the auction just outside Dartford in Kent.

Robert's fantasizing about the bidders who will attend.

RB: The main world wide collector of matchstick houses will be here in Dartford.

He has tracked you down.

And he will have had wind that there are a pair.

Or Dartford prison could rebuy your item back.

Good, it would pass the time, you need a 10 year sentence to make a matchstick house.

So yeah I could see, good therapy.

VO: David's feeling a little defensive.

DAVID: You can only buy what is in front of you.

Well, I have to say, you did buy the good, the bad and the ugly.

I certainly did, I bought a nice cross section.

The good, the bad and the ugly.

VO: The best people to judge that are the bidders at Waterman's Auction Rooms, where twice a month there are sales of antiques furniture and more.

AD: Hello.

Have you been driving on the correct side of the road?

Doing our best.

Of course.

How are you my love, alright?

Robert.

Hello, lovely to see you.

Good to see you, looking incredibly dapper.

And yourself Philip.

Fantastic.

Lovely to see you.

He has got the same colored trousers as the perfume bottle.

I know, I know.

He is color coded.

Uranium trousers - as dangerous I think as uranium.

Shall we go and have a look at our lots?

You can borrow them he wants.

No worries.

Come on then.

Right, shall we go inside?

VO: Those uranium trousers are quite remarkable.

But what about the teams' choice of lots?

The auctioneer selling them will be Colin Waterman.

I think one of my favorite lots would be the little uranium bottle.

Sampson and Mordan it's made by.

Quite a rare little thing.

Should do very well on the day.

Little bed, there's a little Victorian bed there, mahogany bed, Victorian, lovely little thing.

Should go very, very well as well.

Two houses which are... are made of matchsticks, which I thought were rather lovely, I don't think actually.

If they fetch a fiver, I think they're going to be very, very luck with those.

And then we've got some nice little cartoons after Max Beerbohm.

They have been looked at quite a bit by several people in the viewings.

So they should also do very very well.

If I had to choose between the two teams, I'd have thought, Amanda and Philip would just about edge the war shall we say.

But you never know, those matchstick buildings might fetch a fortune.

VO: Each of our teams started with £400.

Amanda and Philip spent £190 all in the best possible taste.

Acquiring traditional antiques to create five lots.

Robert and David were the parsimonious pair, parting with a mere £90 and splitting their purchases... Agh!

VO: ..so that they also have five lots.

As the auction gets under way, the anticipation is unbearable.

You can feel the tension in the room, can't you?

I think they are just waiting for the largest handmade matchstick model in the house.

That is why... VO: Proceedings kick off with the Max Beerbohm images Amanda liked so much.

£50 on these somebody?

40?

Try you at 30 then.

Amanda, encourage them.

Those are mine by the way, so I just thought I would let you know.

The lady said they are hers so does that make a difference?

Shall we make it 100 then?

No.

Anyone start me off at 20 on them?

No interest at all?

15 anybody?

15 I have.

18 anywhere now?

Selling at £15.

Last time, it's going to be sold.

At £15... For the children!

I know.

Oooooh!

VO: Sadly, there's no license to print money with that lot.

AUCTIONEER: That was really painful that was.

Oh bless.

Thank you.

Made a loss.

She certainly did.

VO: Next are Robert's blow football and other boxed games.

Was buying them an own goal?

No one at 15 on these?

Are we sure?

I'll take 12 if it helps.

12 I have straight in.

14, 16.

They want complete ones.

18, 20.

Yes, come on.

22, 24.

Still 22 at the back.

Four anywhere now, selling at £22 then.

AD: What?!

DAVID: Go on!

At 22... VO: It is back of the net for Robert and David with a great profit.

Yes!

Robbery.

VO: The antique doll's bed is undeniably charming but will Amanda and Phil lose sleep over it?

40 I have at the back to start me.

Yes!

40 I have.

Five anywhere now?

AD: Ladies and gentlemen come on now.

45, 50, five?

60.

Five?

70.

Still 65.

70 anywhere now?

Selling at 65 last time.

VO: It's the stuff of dreams, and puts team Donohoe well ahead.

Nah-nah nah-nah-nah.

Look how she changes suddenly.

I know.

You see, that is what real antique hunting is all about.

VO: The carved carp is under the hammer now and Robert and David are hoping for some fishy business.

30, I will come down to 20 then if it helps.

Come down.

20 I have got straight in at the back.

Yes, come on.

20 I've got.

Two anywhere now?

20 I've got.

22, 24, 26, 28.

£30.

So it's 30 at the back then, did you want it for 30?

30 I've got now and selling.

At £30... VO: It's a small fish but they have landed a profit worth bragging about.

Robert.

Excellent.

Another profit.

VO: Phil's phonograph horn is next.

But even his teammate seems unconvinced by it.

Lovely horn that, beautiful horn.

Very useful.

I'll try you at 25 if it helps then?

Any bids, you can shout, it's got to be sold.

No?

Anyone at a tenner then to start me?

10 I have got.

12, 14.

Oh yes.

16, 18, 20, 22.

Selling at £22, last time?

VO: A loss leaves Phil nothing to trumpet about.

And the opposition is insufferable!

Robert, sadly it is a bit of a loss.

Sadly it's a... Darn it!

VO: Next is the uranium glass scent bottle.

An expensive buy that warrants a great performance.

On offer here is not only this bottle but is also the lifetime reputation of David Harper, so bid well.

DAVID: Oh dear, that will ruin it.

Yeah.

80 I have got straight in at the back.

AD: No way.

Yes.

85, 90, five... Go on.

100 and five.

DAVID: Yes!

AUCTIONEER: 110.

Tell them Robert.

115.

Yes.

120.

130.

140.

What!

AUCTIONEER: 150.

DAVID: Nice.

160 at the back.

Yes!

Five anywhere now?

Selling at £160.

Last time at 160... VO: It's a leap into the lead and rave reviews for Robert and David.

Robert, you are absolutely amazing.

Well done you, well done you.

Well done you, you found it in the cabinet, you found some gold.

There you go, uranium, absolutely.

Sorry, what did that sell for Robert?

RB: 5,020.

DAVID: 5,020.

VO: Amanda and Phil hope the fight back begins with their potentially multipurpose crib.

40 I have got.

40 I have got.

Things are looking up.

40 I have still got.

Five I am looking for.

I am going to sell at £40, it's got to be sold.

VO: Oh dear be it crib, log basket, toy chest or magazine rack, it's not rocked anyone in this sale room.

This isn't going very well is it?

This is going horribly... You are a master of insincerity.

Really bad luck.

Robert, put it there.

You're never going to let me forget this.

VO: Chin up, Amanda, surely no one except Robert and David thinks the first property in their portfolio looks good?

No one at 15 on the house?

DAVID: Oh come on!

AD: Please.

12?

Tell them to bid a pound.

£10.

Come on.

Robbery.

Nobody at a tenner?

The gentleman... the gentleman on my left here said £5 which I think is an absolutely spiffing bid.

We will take it.

Come on!

Five I have got, five I have got.

Six anywhere now?

Go on!

Five I have still got.

Six, seven.

DAVID: Yes!

AUCTIONEER: Eight.

Yes!

Strike a light.

Nine, 10, 12.

This is going beyond my absolute dreams.

£10.

12 anywhere now?

Selling at £10 then.

New bidder at 12, it's going mad!

Yes!

Wow!

14?

Come on, what sort of son are you?

12 I have got.

14 anywhere now?

Selling at 12... VO: It seems property was a sound investment, producing a good margin.

Congratulations, yeah, what a property.

Unbelievable.

VO: The Victorian woolwinder is next and comes complete with an enthusiastic sales pitch.

30 I have got, two anywhere now?

32 I'm looking for.

Come on, you lovely people.

30.

32.

She doesn't seem to have the portering skills you have Robert does she?

It is doing alright.

You are not dealing with such a high quality product like a matchstick house.

40 I have got.

We are loving it.

Deserves a lot more.

45 anywhere now?

Selling at £40.

Last time at £40, it's got to be sold.

VO: Oops!

Amanda and Phil are in a tangle with that one.

The final lot is team Bathurst's second des res.

Will the property boom continue?

Five I have got, six anywhere now?

Eight.

Yeah!

Eight, nine, ten.

Ten I have got.

12 anywhere now?

Selling at £10.

Unbelievable.

Last time at 10 then... VO: Robert and David are officially matchstick property magnates and Amanda is incredulous.

You've got away with blue murder today, I tell you.

It was the way our lots were met by another expert in the room.

So that's rather gratifying.

It really is.

It's quite a good feeling isn't it?

VO: Amanda and Phil don't have quite such a good feeling.

After auction costs, their tasteful traditional antiques made a slight loss of £40.76, leaving them with £359.24.

Robert and David gambled on a mix of quirkiness and quality and the scent bottle clinched the sweet smell of success - they made a profit of £101.88, leaving them victorious with £501.88.

All profits made on the road trip go to Children in Need.

Reeling from defeat, Amanda is still mindful of good manners.

If you can't say anything nice, my mother used to say, don't say anything at all.

Such a well bred girl.

No, it's not about the winning, it's about the taking part.

It's true.

Shut up Robert, shut up.

And we took them apart.

Oh dear me, I just... yeah lovely, lovely brilliant.

Thank you very much, yeah.

I have learned so much from you, I can tell you that.

I am never buying antiques again.

Amanda you've been lovely.

Don't know about you.

Well done expert.

Oh!

That was bad wasn't it?

The dream team.

Thank you very much indeed.

Can I just ask one thing?

Yeah?

Would you please get in the car and drive and shhh, don't say a word?

Alright, of course.

Shut up.

Don't you worry, don't you worry.

PS: Shut up.

DAVID: I won't mention...

Shut up.

Just shut up.

I won't mention uranium glass.

Shut up.

DAVID: Sampson Mordan.

PS: Just shut up.

DAVID: It's the best quality.

PS: Shut up.

Let's go for a nice long drive and a chat.

Sampson Mordan.

PS: Shut up.

DAVID: Fine hallmarks.

Shut up.

We don't need hallmarks for Sampson Mordan.

Shut up.

DAVID: Sampson Mordan.

PS: Shut up.

..is Sampson Mordan... [email protected]