>> WELL, COLD AND FLU SEASON IS HERE AGAIN, AND DOCTOR'S OFFICES ARE GETTING BOMBARDED WITH COUGHING AND SNEEZING AND MISERABLE PATIENTS.

SOMETIMES YOU THINK IT WOULD BE NICE TO BREAK IT UP, TO SEE A PATIENT WITH SOMETHING UNUSUAL, EVEN IF IT CAME FROM A HOSPITAL SOAP OPERA.

SO TRY THIS: WHEN YOU MAKE AN APPOINTMENT, TELL THEM YOU HAVE SOME WEIRD PROBLEM FROM AN OLD-TIMEY MEDICAL TEXTBOOK, LIKE ALIEN HAND SYNDROME.

THIS IS WHERE YOU START TO FEEL LIKE YOUR HANDS ARE NOT YOUR OWN, BUT BELONG TO SOMEONE ELSE.

IT’S LIKE A BAD SCIENCE FICTION MOVIE FROM THE '50S.

OR FOREIGN ACCENT SYNDROME, WHERE YOU SUDDENLY START SPEAKING LIKE SOMEONE FROM "DOWNTON ABBEY."

THIS IS ONE YOU CAN EVEN DIAGNOSE OVER THE PHONE.

OR WEREWOLF SYNDROME.

YOU START GROWING HAIR EVERYWHERE.

IT’S LIKE YOU FORGOT TO SHAVE.

YOUR FOREHEAD.

GO TO THE DOCTOR, BUT WAIT UNTIL AFTER HALLOWEEN.

OR PICA, HAVING AN URGE TO EAT WEIRD STUFF, ALTHOUGH MY DAD WAS FROM EUROPE SO HE DID THIS ALL THE TIME.

OR AQUAGENIC URTICARIA, THIS IS WHERE YOU SUDDENLY BECOME ALLERGIC TO WATER, WHICH IS LIKE 97% OF YOUR ENTIRE BODY.

YOU CAN GET COVERED IN HIVES, WHICH ARE ALSO MADE OF WATER.

OR AUTO-BREWERY SYNDROME, WHERE PEOPLE START MAKING ALCOHOL IN THEIR SMALL INTESTINE BECAUSE OF CERTAIN WEIRD TYPES OF FUNGUS.

YOU MAY NEED TO GET THEM AN UBER HOME FROM THE OFFICE.

OR ALICE IN WONDERLAND SYNDROME, WHERE YOU FEEL LIKE YOUR BODY IS GETTING BIGGER.

IT FEELS LIKE THE ROOM IS SHRINKING IN ON YOU.

YOUR ARMS AND LEGS START TO FEEL LONGER.

THINGS LOOK FURTHER AWAY AND SEEM SMALLER.

THEY’LL TELL YOU TO MAKE AN APPOINTMENT, IF YOU CAN STILL GET IN THE DOOR.

SO TELL THEM ONE OF THOSE WEIRD THINGS ON THE PHONE, BUT THEN WHEN YOU GET THERE SAY YOU REALLY JUST HAVE A COLD AFTER ALL.

TRUST ME, THEY’LL BE HAPPY THAT